funny jokes za kiswahili
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Mchwa kaingia kwa uchi wa mwanamke akidhani ni pango. Alipotoka, wenzake wakamuuliza alikokuwa tangu jana. Akasema’LOL! Jana karibu nimalizwe, ‘nimeingia pangoni..ghafla nyoka naye akaingia akitaka kuniuma. Akatia kichwa akitoa, akatia akitoa mara nyingi lakini hakunipata. Mwishowe akachoka akanitemea mate kisha akaenda zake’.
Mwenyeji: Utakunywa soda au chai?
Mgeni:Ntakunywa soda wakati nasubiri chai ichemke! Mwenyeji:Hapa kuna sprite na coke nikupe ipi?
Mgeni: Nipe coke sprite niwekee kwenye friji iendelee kupoa.
Mwenyeji: Nikupe mkate au maandazi?
Mgeni: Nipe maandazi kwanza mkate ntakula na chai ikichemka.
Kuna mwarabu kapata jirani mzungu. Asubuhi mzungu kamuamkia mwarabu:
“Good Morning”
Mwarabu kamjibu:
“Morning Good” mkewe kamwambia sasa mbona umemjibu kinyume nyume?
Jamaa kamwambia mkewe utabaki hivo hivo na ujinga wako.
Kwani ukiambiwa Salaam Alaykum si unajibu Alaykum Salaam
Teacher:If a lion is chasing you, what would you do?
Mutisya: I will climb a tree.
Teacher: If the lion climbs a tree?
Mutisya: I will jump in the river and swim.
Teacher : If the lion also jumps in the water and swims after you ?
Mutisya: Teacher, are you on my side or on the lion’s ?
Mzee alienda kanisani kubatizwa alipotoka kwenye maji padri akamwambia “Sasa ewe ni kiumbe kipya,usinywe tena pombe na utaitwa Paul”. Alipofika nyumbani Paul akafungua friji akatoa bia ya Tusker akaitumbukiza kwenye maji akasema “Wewe ni kiumbe kipya toka sasa jina lako ni Fanta Orange”
* In Maths: A kiss is the shortest
distance between two lips.
* In Biology: It’s the exchange of
germs from one mouth to another.
* In Chemistry: It’s a process of
testing the ph of lips.
* In Physics: It’s a process to
charging a human body.
* In Computer: It’s a local area
network in which two bodies are
connected without data cables.
* In Economics: It’s a process in
which demand is higher than the
supply.
Which Is More Correct?
Raila, Kibaki, Ngilu & Martha Karua are traveling in a train. The train
suddenly goes through a tunnel & it gets completely dark. Suddenly there
is a kissing sound & then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel.
Ngilu & Raila are sitting there looking perplexed. Kibaki is bent over holding
his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain
diplomatic & nobody says anything.
Ngilu is thinking:
‘These men are all crazy after Martha Karua’. Kibaki must have tried to
kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.’
Martha Karua is thinking:
‘Kibaki must have moved to kiss me & kissed Ngilu instead & got slapped.’
Kibaki is thinking:
‘Damn it, Raila must have tried to kiss Martha Karua, she thought it was
me & slapped me.’
Raila is thinking:
‘If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing
sound & slap Kibaki again’
In this world there two things
involved:
Either you are born a man or women
If you are a Woman you are safe, but if you are born a man there are two things involved :
Either you are in Military or Civilian
If you are civilian you are safe, if you are in Military there two things involved:
Either in office or war front
If you are in office you are safe, if you are in war front there two things involved:
Either you kill somebody or somebody kills you
If you kill somebody you are safe, if somebody kills you there two things involved:
Either you will be buried or you body will be used for manure
If you are buried you are safe if your body is used for manure two things involved:
Either will be used to grow flowers or used to grow trees
If you used to grow flowers you are safe, but if used to grow trees two things involved:
Either will be used to manufacture tissue paper or furniture
If used for furniture you are safe, if used for tissue paper two things involved:
Either you will be used by a Men or Women
If used by Men you are safe, if used by Women two things involved:
Either you will be used from back or used from front
If used from back you are safe, if used from front two things involved
Either you contact gonorrhea or you contact HIV
If you contact gonorrhea you are safe, if you contact HIV only one thing is for sure
Which is?
Share a giggle with these funny jokes! There are over 200 short jokes that will keep you and your friends chucklesnorting all day! Plus over 100 more of the funniest jokes for holidays and even new jokes for dad to tell!
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