funny jokes xmas
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Where does Santa store his suit? In his Clause-et. Where do you go to find reindeer? It depends on where you left them. What did one angel say to the other? Halo there!
Fortunately, Santa's elves (ahem, us) have cobbled together a list of funny Christmas jokes guaranteed to have everyone ho, ho, ho-ing — yep, including the Ebenezers and Grinches in your crew.
Or, if you're in need a Christmas morning chuckle after all the presents have been opened (and someone forgot to get Mom the sweater she had her eye on), we've got a collection of knock-knock jokes hilarious enough to put an extra twinkle in Kris Kringle's eye.
TODAY IllustrationWhat kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap music.Did you hear about the anxious snowman? He needed to chill out.Where do gingerbread men sleep? On cookie sheets.Why don’t Christmas trees knit? They keeping dropping their needles.Why is Santa so good at karate? He’s got a black belt.Why do reindeer wear bells? Their horns don’t work.What did one of Santa’s helpers say to the other? Let’s take an elfie.What did Santa and Mrs. Claus name their daughter? Mary Christmas.Did you hear about Rudolph’s rollercoaster ride? He held on for deer life.What did one Christmas tree say to the other? I’m feelin’ pine.TODAY IllustrationChristmas dad jokes How do you wish a dog Merry Christmas? Feliz Navi-dog.What does Santa use to clean his sleigh? Comet.Why does Santa use GPS? He doesn’t want to be a lost Claus.What kind of salad do they serve at the North Pole? Iceberg lettuce.Where does Santa stay on vacation? At a ho-ho-ho-tel.What did one angel say to the other? Halo there!Who says “Oh, oh, oh?” Santa Claus walking backward.What should you expect at the end of Christmas Day? The letter Y.Why do birds fly south for Christmas? It’s too far to walk.What did the salt say to the pepper on Christmas? Seasonings greetings!How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing. It was on the house.Which of Santa’s reindeer has bad manners? Rude-olph.Where do reindeer go if they lose a tail? The retail store.What do you call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate Clauses.What did Santa do when his sleigh broke down? He got it mistle-toed.What did the cop say when he a snowman stealing? Freeze!What does Santa eat for breakfast? Mistle-toast.How can you tell if a snowman doesn’t like you? He gives you the cold shoulder.What do you call festive ducks? Christmas quackers.What did one snowman say to the other? You’re cool.Why don’t mountains get cold in the winter? They have snowcaps.Where do you find reindeer? I dunno, depends on where you left them.What do you call a snowman with no arms or legs? A snowball.TODAY IllustrationChristmas knock-knock jokesKnock, knock!Who’s there?Snow.Snow who?Snow one’s better than you are!Knock, knock!Who’s there?Sandy.Sandy who?Sandy Claus is coming to town.Knock, knock!Who’s there?Mary.Mary who?Mary Christmas.Knock, knock!Who’s there?Holly.Holly who?Holly-days are my favorite.Knock, knock!Who’s there?Coal.Coal who?Coal Santa, it’s Christmas.Knock, knock!Who’s there?Ivana.Ivana who?Ivana candy cane.Knock, knock!Who’s there?Tree.Tree who?Tree wise men.Knock, knock!Who’s there?Donut.Donut who?Donut open the presents until Christmas.Knock, knock!Who’s there?Arthur.Arthur who?Arthur any more presents?Knock, knock!Who’s there?Avery.Avery who?Avery Merry Christmas to you!Knock, knock!Who’s there?Santa.Santa who?Santa Claus, duh!Knock, knock!Who’s there?Yule.Yule who?Yule never know.Knock, knock!Who’s there?Norma Lee.Norma Lee?Norma Lee we have ham on Christmas.Knock, knock!Who’s there?Ken.Ken who?Ken you help me decorate the Christmas tree?Knock, knock!Who’s there?Needle.Needle who?Needle money for Christmas shopping.Knock, knock!Who’s there?Allie.Allie who?Allie want for Christmas is you.Knock, knock!Who’s there?Gladys.Gladys who?Gladys finally Christmas.Knock, knock!Who’s there?Barry.Barry who?Barry Christmas to you!Knock, knock!Who’s there?Icy.Icy who?Icy you.Knock, knock!Who’s there?Murray.Murray who?Murray Christmas to you!Knock, knock!Who’s there?Water.Water who?Water you askin’ Santa for Christmas?Knock, knock!Who’s there?Snow.Snow who?This is snow time for telling Christmas jokes.TODAY IllustrationChristmas puns and one-liners Why can’t you shock reindeer? They’ve herd it all.Where do snowmen keep their money? In snowbanks.What’s the best Christmas gift to give? A broken drum. You can’t beat it.How do sheep greet each other around the holidays? Merry Christmas to ewe.What’s a Christmas tree’s favorite candy? Orna-mints.Why is it always cold on Christmas? Because it’s in Decem-burr.What did Santa say after returning to the North Pole? There’s snow place like home.What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament? Wanna hang out?How did the snowman pay for his groceries? With cold cash.How does Jack Frost get to work? On a snowmobile.What did one snowman say to the other? Did you pick your nose?What did Santa say to the comedian? You sleigh me.How do you invite Santa to a party? You request his presents.Why did the snowman get detention? He was up to snow good.What do you call someone afraid of Santa? A Claus-trophic.What’s a cat’s favorite holiday song? “Here Comes Santa Claws.”What did one Christmas tree say to the other? I’m pining for you.Where do Christmas trees go to have fun? Tinseltown.Sarah Lemire
Sarah Lemire is a lifestyle reporter at TODAY.com with more than a decade of experience writing across an array of channels including home, health, holidays, personal finance, shopping, food, fashion, travel and weddings. An avid traveler, foodie, helicopter parent and couch film critic, Sarah is originally from Minneapolis and has spent the last two decades unsuccessfully trying to figure out the difference between a hoagie and a sub.
To get you and your crew in the spirit of the season, we've put together some of our favorite Santa-themed jokes, one-liners and knock-knocks guaranteed to get everyone laughing all the way.
After all, who couldn't use a few extra chuckles around Christmastime? Especially since the most wonderful time of the year can occasionally be the most stressful, too. And really, there’s nothing like a solid dad joke or corny Christmas pun to help make bobtails bright.
Sarah Lemire is a lifestyle reporter at TODAY.com with more than a decade of experience writing across an array of channels including home, health, holidays, personal finance, shopping, food, fashion, travel and weddings. An avid traveler, foodie, helicopter parent and couch film critic, Sarah is originally from Minneapolis and has spent the last two decades unsuccessfully trying to figure out the difference between a hoagie and a sub.
Tis the season for Christmas parties and with these parties comes a lot of meet-and-greet situations. Some of these people may be total strangers that you will probably never see again (until the following Christmas doo) or they could be family, in laws or colleges. Whatever the social situation is, you want to leave a good impression. You may be asking, “how do I do this?” Take out anything that has to do with becoming inebriated and dancing on the tables (with or without your pants on) or hitting on your boss’ significant other. These are funny for the other drunk guests, but inevitably leads to some post-party regrets (and perhaps an exciting new adventure into the world of unemployment).
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