funny jokes to tell in church
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You’ll love these clean church jokes I found in my email. I’m sure they’ve been floating around the Internet for a while, but several were new to me. I’m not always a fan of Christian jokes or church humor, but these made me smile. I’m posting them just in case you need a little laugh this morning.
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”
The mother replied, ‘Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.’
The child thought about this for a moment then said, “So why is the groom wearing black?”
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, ‘Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late!’
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again!
As she ran she once again began to pray, ‘Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late…But please don’t shove me either!’
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, ‘My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.’
The second boy says, ‘That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper,
he calls it a song, they give him $100.’
The third boy says, ‘I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!’
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to ‘Honor thy father and thy mother,’ she asked, ‘Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?’
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, ‘Thou shall not kill..’
A group of seminary students gathered in the chapel one day as the dean challenged them
to NOT pray for a large church because of the stress, problems and worries that go with it. The next year one of the students who graduated returned to give his testimony. He said, “I did ask God for
a big church; however, I also asked God for a pretty wife. My prayer was ALMOST answered. Instead of getting a big church and a pretty wife, I got a pretty church and a big wife!”
As I was gathering my sermon, I couldn’t
help thinking about a story of a little girl who was home alone and ill. She called her mother at work and told her, “Momma, I need you and I need you really bad.” This mother asked to get off work and frantically rushed down to the corner drug store to bring home
some medicine. She notices it was beginning to rain, but she thought she would just “run in and out” to get the medicine for her sick little girl. When she came back to her car, she
noticed something quite different. You guessed it…she had locked her keys in the car. She ran inside to get help from the employees but none of them seemed to know what to do and finally
gave her a clothes hanger and said, “good luck!”
She ran back to her can, frantically trying to get the door
open. The more she tried, the harder it rained and suddenly, it came down what we call, “an old fashion gully-washer”. Out of desperation, she cried out “Lord, I need your help and I need
you right now!” Suddenly, an old pickup pulled right next to her. She looked up and saw this man approaching her. He was dirty, had a dew rag on top of his head with scars and tattoos all
over his body, one in which you wouldn’t want to come across, especially alone. Without thinking she embraced this man and said, “Sir, could you possibly help me. My daughter is sick at
home, and I have to get this medicine to her as soon as possible and I have locked my keys in the car.”
Within a minute or two, this man successfully unlocked her car. Out
of joy, she grabbed this man, giving him a huge hug, and said, “you’re such a nice man.” The man pushed her away and said, “no, ma’am, I am not! You see, I have just escaped from prison,
and I steal cars for a living!” Without any hesitation, this woman looked up toward heaven and said, “Thanks, God, for sending a professional!!!”
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