funny jokes about retirement

March 08, 2023 Post a Comment

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I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back where it belongs, but first I’ll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flower vase, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today. I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all day long and I’m really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I’ll try to get some help for it, but first I’ll check my email.

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The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says: “OK, old fart, time for you to retire for good. You should have been in retirement a long time ago.”

The old rooster replies: “Come on, surely you cannot handle all of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can’t you just let me have the two old hens and three or four young hens? This will save you from having to enter retirement before your time.”

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His parents seemed pleased with the response and told him how proud they were of him for taking the next step in his life. Equally happy with how the chat went, John walked away and thought to himself: “The first thing tomorrow, I’m going to start looking for a nursing home for them”.

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A man and his wife, both recently retired, went into town to buy some milk and bread. They were only in the store for about five minutes, but when they came out, they noticed a police officer writing a parking ticket, clearly about to place it on their car.

“Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?” the man exclaimed. The police officer ignored him and continued writing the ticket, before sticking it firmly to the windshield. “You’re a dumbass,” the man shouted at the police officer.

The police officer finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then, he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more the couple abused the cop, the more tickets he wrote.

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