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My friend, who is in farming at the moment, recently received a cheque for£3,000 from the Rural Payments Agency for not rearing pigs. I would like to jointhe 'not rearing pigs' business.

In your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to rear pigs on, and which isthe best breed of pig not to rear? I want to be sure I approach this endeavourin keeping with all government policies, as dictated by the EU under the CommonAgricultural Policy. I would prefer not to rear bacon pigs, but if this is notthe type you want not rearing, I will gladly not rear porkers. Are there anyadvantages in not rearing rare breeds such as Saddlebacks or Gloucester OldSpots, or are too many people already not rearing these?

My friend is very satisfied with this business. He has been rearing pigs forforty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was £1,422 in 1968. That is- until this year, when he received a cheque for not rearing any.

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I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000pigs not raised, which will mean about £240,000 for the first year. As I becomemore expert in not rearing pigs, I plan to be more ambitious, perhaps increasingto, say, 40,000 pigs not reared in my second year, for which I should expectabout £2.4 Million from your department. Incidentally, I wonder if I would beeligible to receive tradable carbon credits for all of these pigs not producingharmful and polluting methane gas?

Another point: These pigs that I plan not to rear will not eat 2,000 tonnes ofcereals. I understand that you also pay farmers for not growing crops. Will Iqualify for payments for not growing cereals to not feed the pigs I don't rear?

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