funny jokes about nuts

March 04, 2023 Post a Comment

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Need a little pep in your step? A little crunch in your lunch? Nuts are the perfect addition to any meal or snack. Packed with protein, fiber, and healthy fats, nuts are a tasty and good-for-you treat. They walnut disappoint (see what we did there?). In celebration of these delicious eats, we’ve rounded up a whole bunch of — wholesome! — nut jokes to share with your kids the next time they turn their noses up at nuts on their dinner plate.

Before we take a crack at nut humor, though, did you know that there are 11 varieties and types of nuts? They include pistachios, hazelnuts, cashews, Marcona almonds, macadamia nuts, peanuts, almonds, Brazil nuts, pine nuts, and pecans. Each and every one has its own flavor profile and set of unique characteristics (health benefits, too!). So, whatever type you choose, your body will thank you.

Now, in our joke roundup, we use the term “nut” a bit loosely. You’ll see jokes featuring coconuts, acorns, and other types of nuts that aren’t really considered nuts at all. But they’re funny, so we thought we’d include them anyway. We hope this doesnutleave you disappointed. Let’s get started.

It’s not uncommon for people to make jokes or puns about nuts, as they can be seen as humorous or silly. For example, someone might make a joke about being “nutty” or “going nuts,” which could be a way of saying that they are acting crazy or foolish.

There are many different types of nuts, and each type has its own unique characteristics that can be used for comedic effects. For example, a person might make a joke about being “peanut brittle” when they are feeling fragile or “nutty as a fruitcake” when they are acting strangely. Also, let’s not forget that Deez Nuts is one of the most famous punchlines of a setup joke in which someone is asked a vaguely framed question in order to elicit a follow-up question in response. Read on!

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A guy walks into a bar, and takes a seat, noticing that he’s the only customer.The only person present is a bartender who is on his phone and waves to signal that he will be with him as soon as possible.The man nods and waits, but then he hears a little voice exclaim, “Nice shirt!” He glances around but sees no one but the bartender, who is still on the phone.He shrugs, convinced he’s hallucinating when he hears a similar voice exclaim, “Smart haircut, gorgeous!” He looks around uneasily again, but no one nearby could have spoken to him.Then he hears another gentle little voice, similar to the first two, “You’re really looking sharp today, have you lost weight?”At this point, the man is extremely perplexed, until he notices that the voices appear to be coming from a bowl of nuts on the bar counter.At that point, the bartender has finished his phone call and walks over to see what the man wants to order.“What’s the deal with these nuts?” the guy asks. The bartender shrugs, saying, “They’re complimentary.”

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Have you heard of the Ancient Greek hero Bophades?He’s a lot like Achilles, but instead, his weak point was his groin. You’ve heard of Achilles Heel but did you know about Bophades’ nuts?

What do you call a set of nuts on the wall?Wallnuts.What do you call a set of nuts on your chest?Chestnuts.What do you call a set of nuts on your chin?A mouth full of cock!

Q: What did the woman say after her grandson told her he ate her entire bowl of peanuts? A: That’s okay honey, I already sucked the chocolate off of them… (yuck – they were originally chocolate covered peanuts!!)

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