funny jokes about kings
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I've finally decided to never get married. The minute I met any of my girlfriends parents they hated me immediately, and I'm always extra polite,
"nice to meet you, I'm Joe King."
Lately I've noticed a strange fascination shared by everybody that comes over to my house. They can't seem to get enough of this one Stephen King book I have on my shelf.
I guess it's true what they say; company loves Misery.
A king was walking in the city
A king was walking in the city when he saw a man that looked exactly like him.
He went to him and asked: Did your mother work in the royal palace.
When I was a kid I thought our family's cat looked like Timon from The Lion King so I thought he was a meerkat.
Turns out he was just a mere cat.
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said “OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I’m getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!” The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii but I’m scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?” The genie laughed and said, “That’s impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete…how much steel!! No-think of another wish.” The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, “I’ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don’t care and that I’m insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women….know how they feel inside and what they’re thinking when they give me the silent treatment….know why they’re crying, know what they really want when they say ‘nothing’….know how to make them truly happy….” The genie said, “You want that bridge two lanes or four?”
A man decided that he was going to ride a 10 speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became too much and he could go no farther. He stuck his thumb out but after 3 hours, hadn’t gotten a single person to stop. Finally a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn’t fit in the car. The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he got to going to fast, to honk the horn on his bike and that he would slow down. Everything went fine for the first 30 miles. Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other. A short distance down the road, the Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap. The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radioed to the other officer that he had 2 Corvettes headed his way at over 120 mph. He then relayed, “and your not going to believe this, but there’s guy on a 10 speed bike honking to pass”.
Curly is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet – Y for Heads and N for Tails. Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperatley throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. “Oh, I finished the exam in half an hour.” he says, “Now I am rechecking my answers.”
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers and says, I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers and I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back. The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan’s offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder and asks if his bet still good. The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back.The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, If ya don’t mind me askin’, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone? The Irishman replies, Oh, I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.
Teacher: “Okay, there are five birds sitting on a telephone line. A farmer comes along with his gun and shoots one of them. How many are left?” Little Johnny: “None Miss”. Teacher: “Could you tell me why?” Little Johnny: “Well Miss, when the farmer shot the bird, the sound of the gun would have frightened the other birds away”. Teacher: “Well, the answer I was looking for was four. But I like your thinking.” Little Johnny: “Miss, while we’re asking questions, could I ask you one?” Teacher: “Its a bit irregular, but go on then” Little Johnny: “There are three women sitting on a bench in the park eating popsicles. One of them is licking it; one is biting it; and one is putting it in and out of her mouth. Which one is married?” Teacher (rather embarrassed): “Err… I suppose it would be the last one.” Little Johnny: “Well I would have said the one with the wedding ring. But I like your thinking.”
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